Come to the Table

Family dinners have always been important to me but I have to confess, it can be a battle to find a time that works for everyone.   Busy schedules, band practice, and other commitments constantly pull us away from the table.  Not to mention the times I don’t know what to cook, I forgot to thaw the chicken, someone has an attitude, or they’re just too picky!  When I want to give up, I dig in, fight through and remember these truths:

 

  • It doesn’t happen unless it’s on the calendar.  As our kids have grown and their schedules become more complicated, we all have to talk about it and choose our family dinner nights.   We’ve eaten as early as 4:30 and as late as 8:00 just to have a few meals together each week.  Because everyone is part of the decision, they make more of an effort to be there.

 

  • It’s not about the food.  I have gone from cooking for 5 with a few picky eaters to cooking for more than 10 at Sunday lunch.  My worry has changed from “will they eat this” to “will there be enough”!  I won’t deny that food has to be part of the focus.  But both home cooked or take out can bring your family around the table for connection and conversations.

 

  • It’s about the people.  We have tried to create an atmosphere where friends are welcome but cell phones aren’t.  We call it being “fully present”.  We’re not perfect at it but putting cell phones away at dinner gives us a better chance at connecting with those in our presence. Sharing Highs and Lows of the day is a great way to get everyone, youngest to oldest, talking and the memories you are making are priceless!

 

  • You may need a bigger table.  I started making a big Sunday Lunch when I realized it was one of the few times we were all available and it’s become a Bonham tradition.  I admit though, some days I’m tired and I don’t feel like cooking or setting the table.  But when the door opens and one more walks in, I see how my kids welcome their friends and it motivates me to keep going.  I was glad to buy a bigger table… some things are worth the investment!

 

  • It’s worth it!  At this point in life, I see my efforts paying off.  Our kids are in their early 20s now and not all living at home, but everyone still looks forward to the connection that happens when we come back to the table. When we are face to face, talking and listening, laughing and fighting it out, family is found. Our relationships are richer because of the meals we have shared together and the people who have sat with us along the way.

 

So don’t let the excuses of being too busy keep you from connecting.  Talk to your family and friends and decide when you will come to the table.  You won’t regret it!

How Was Your Day?

Have you ever made arrangements to have people over and your day didn’t go the way you planned?  You were late getting home and the clean up you thought you would have time for didn’t happen.  You end up running around throwing things in closets and cabinets to straighten up.  For me, everything gets piled up on the washer and dryer.  I mean a huge pile!  It’s pretty ridiculous.  I pray no one opens the laundry room door because while my house looks orderly and clean on the surface, behind that door is a mess!

 

 

One of my biggest struggles is keeping my relationships and responsibilities in the right order in my life.  Many times, I have good intentions but what ends up happening is I look like I have it all together on the outside but if you talk to my kids or my husband, or my friends, they might feel differently.   Years ago, I heard a question posed to a woman in leadership, ”How do you keep your priorities balanced?  God, Husband, Kids, Ministry, Friends, etc…?”  Her answer was simple: “If I keep God in first place in my life, everything else will be brought to my attention when it needs attention.”

 

She wasn’t saying that we shouldn’t have a plan to spend time on our important relationships and responsibilities.  She was saying that when we make our relationship with God our first priority and we invite Him into our schedule each day, He leads us.  If something needs some extra attention, He will prompt us and help us make the time.

 

So what does it look like for God to be first in my life?  I think it starts with inviting God to be in charge of each day.  Trusting that He can use anything that happens to bring me closer to Him and show me where He is working.  Putting God first is my choice every day.  When I do, my relationship with Him will grow … instead of reading a few verses in my bible, I might read a chapter.  I’ll find myself praying and inviting Him to direct my steps when decisions need to be made.  When things go different than I planned, I look to Him to help me figure it out and I am much more peaceful because I know He is in control.

 

Here is a simple prayer that may help you.

God, you know the things that are most important in my life.  You know all the things I am responsible for.  As I make my plans, you see where I need to make adjustments.  I invite you to interrupt me and point out the areas I may not see.  Lead me today so that you are first place in my life and I am doing what you want me to do.  Amen

The Gift of Going Second

I read a book a last year by Anne Jackson that I couldn’t put down.  She had asked the question “What is one thing you feel you can’t say in church?”  Her book, Permission to Speak Freely is the result of the responses she received about everything from struggling with trying to be accepted all the way to addictions and depression.

 

Anne writes about finally admitting her personal struggles and being willing to talk about them, sharing the trials and victories in her life and the goodness and grace of God that came when she learned to speak freely.  The focus of the book is to help us begin the tough conversations that will ultimately lead us into the healing that God has for us.  She invites her readers to talk about the tough stuff that typically isn’t talked about in church.

 

One of the things I love about the book is when she talks about the Gift of Going Second…  When you confess or reveal something first, it allows others the freedom to follow, giving a gift that keeps moving forward.  I am a very visual learner so the picture of handing someone a gift when I share my story of pain or shame or struggle really spoke to me.  I know how much better I feel when I finally open up and confess.   Sometimes we just need someone to go first!

 

In this book, Anne Jackson is careful to point out that she hasn’t figured everything out and she’s still on the journey.  And while I have not experienced everything Anne has been through, I did identify with the shame sin causes in our lives and the risk she took to open up.   I now know that by me being myself, not hiding behind a false perception, I might encourage someone else to speak freely too.