Tag: Family

Best Days

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best-daysI am writing this in my dark living room enjoying a quiet night with the soft glow from the Christmas tree lights.  My husband actually put our tree up this year and I have loved looking to see where he put my favorite ornaments. I have several but one of the gems for me is a stack of pancakes. It’s right in the front about halfway from the top and every time I look at the tree, I can’t help but see it first.

 

I bought it a few years ago because it takes me back to some very cherished memories. When our kids were growing up, we spent many family vacations camping.  One of our annual traditions was camping at Disney’s Fort Wilderness with our small group families.  Even long after our group stopped meeting regularly, we still camped together once a year.

 

Camping is bike rides, camp fires, late nights, pancakes, bacon, homemade donuts and chili.  We played kick ball with all the kids, roasted marshmallows, ran 1/2 marathons, worked puzzles and played games. But mostly, we talked.  We spent time catching up with each other like we couldn’t do when we were attached to life and work at home.  We challenged each other and prayed for each other.  Those were the best days.

 

As I reflect on 2016 and anticipate 2017, one thing I’m reminded of is that I can appreciate the past and the relationships formed there but I can’t live there today.  I can appreciate traditions and memories but if I try to hold on too tight to those traditions and memories, I will miss the new ones waiting to be formed.

 

I’ve taken a few mornings this week to think about what I want for 2017, what I am asking God for in the New Year.  I want to focus on the present and what God is doing today. I want to do hard things, the things I’ve been putting off, the things that scare me.  I want to take time to talk to people when the moment arises, I want to be flexible.  I want to connect with people like I did in those best days sitting around the camp site. I want more best days.

 

Reminiscing about those favorite memories has been so good for me this Christmas. I find they are pointing me to all the possibilities ahead. What are you looking forward to in 2017?

“Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? 
There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands.”
Isaiah 43:19

Sincerely

kristinbonhamLeave a comment

I didn’t have a sister growing up but I met mine when she walked into my hospital room after I gave birth to my son 24 years ago.  I was 24 years old and that was a defining moment in my life. Like when you need something but you don’t know what?  My need was answered that day before I even knew the depth of it.

 

lynn

Lynn and I were not related but we considered each other sisters.  We were 10 years minus 1 day apart and I’m not sure what made her pick me but I am forever thankful she did.  This October marks the 10-year anniversary of her death which has caused me to reflect more on our relationship and how much she influenced me.

 

Lynn taught me the importance of having other women in my corner. She was in my corner, even when she was smacking me upside the head.  She helped me learn how to mother my children and made me slow down and enjoy the moments. She invited me to go look for my new house in my new town two hours away when I wasn’t motivated to do anything. We did Bible studies together, picked strawberries, took our kids to every out of the way field trip in Florida, redecorated rooms and played scrabble in many laundry mats across the country.

 

Her friendship shaped me.  She helped me discover my gifts and talents and didn’t let our differences come between us.  Well, maybe that one time we got in a fight in the middle of Washington D.C! She was not perfect but there was a rhythm to our relationship that was noticeably different and full of grace.

 

When she died, our kids were in the teen/college years.  Now they are in the wedding/baby years. I remember panicking that she would miss the weddings and the babies and that was not ok.  She is missing a lot of moments that matter but I have great comfort that she is not missing any moments that are eternal.  She is one of those people who showed me the things of God I needed so desperately and pursued them beautifully.

 

chloeLynn would have become a grandmother this year. Her daughter Chloe and I spent a Sunday morning together a few weeks ago and I got to cuddle baby Emery Amelia.  It was a sweet gift and very emotional visit.  We laughed and cried and rehearsed that terrible day ten years ago. In the end we decided that we will be ok. While no one can ever replace her in our lives, we have each other and more who we learn from and pour into.  Our lives and other relationships are richer for having known her.

 

I am thankful for the women in my life that I can share the victories and challenges with.  The ones who will laugh and cry with me and most of all, tell me the hard truth in love when I need it. Who are those women in your life?

 

“Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God.  Whenever I pray, I make my requests for all of you with joy,…  And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”  Philippians 1:3-4,6

I Got a Ticket

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My family is experiencing some major fun growth this fall!  Two of my girls, Taylor and Katy are having babies 5 weeks apart, my daughter Taylor and her family moved in with Chris and I so they can renovate a new house, and my daughter Abby is getting married in a few months.

 

At the same time, I have 2 major projects at work getting ready to launch.  I was running from one thing to the next, changing roles and hats minute to minute.  My task lists were everywhere and emails were tough to keep up with.

 

Like many of you, I have become used to juggling crazy loads and function at full capacity.  It has been a great accomplishment to be able to handle a lot and somewhat manage my stress.  What I learned a few weeks ago, is that if I am at full capacity, I have nothing to draw from when life throws a curve ball.

 

I was preparing to leave for A Beautiful Weekend and Taylor mentioned that her 4 day-old baby, Reese had a fever.  When the ER triage nurse told us she would be staying in the hospital for 3 days minimum, we both started crying.  After lots of tears, I helped get them settled, packed my car and headed out to the ladies retreat.

 

I woke up the next morning at 5:45am and thought, “If I jump in the car right now, I can be at the hospital by 7, spend a few hours with my girls and be back in time for our team to arrive for the retreat set up.”  Everything went as planned until I got a speeding ticket on my way back to the beach.

 

Cue pity party.  Boy was I having one!  I was telling God that Reese was sick, people aren’t cooperating with my timeline, I’m juggling so much, and now I got a ticket! No fair! I was a mess.  I knew what I had to do that night at the retreat and was thinking,  “there is no way I can even put two sentences together.  I have nothing. “

 

My mind was racing, my thoughts were exaggerated and not going in a good direction…. And all of the sudden, I heard the Holy Spirit say, “You were speeding.”

 

Truth.  I was speeding.

 

Many times we cannot choose what is happening to us or how much is happening in our lives but we can choose how we handle it.  We cannot choose how someone else is acting or responding to us but we can choose how we handle it.  In that moment, when the Holy Spirit gave me a reality check, I knew I had a choice.  I could stay in my pity party or I could change my attitude.  I could stay stuck, or let God use it.

 

It’s amazing what God will use when you let him.  He knows what we need to hear and while I don’t believe God sent the guy to give me a ticket, He used it.

Do Hard Things

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I was talking with a group of moms with young children when one of them asked me about parenting.  I think she posed the question, “If you could boil it down to one thing, what would you give as advice for raising kids?”

 

WOW!  That’s a tough question!  I couldn’t imagine only one piece of advice that would encompass the broad, changing, challenging journey of raising kids!  I paused and I really believe the Holy Spirit reminded me of a common theme God has spoken to me that answers her question and also applies to every one whether they are raising kids or not.

 

Do Hard Things.

 

The devil (the thief) is always trying to get us to take the easy way out.  He wants us to over commit, not deal with issues, avoid pain, and get into unhealthy patterns in our relationships.  He wants us to settle for the mediocre, status quo, second best and bare minimum.  And, if he can get us to cave into this in our parenting, even better!

 

“A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.”  John 10:10 MSG

 

Making the harder, more “painful in the moment” choice in order to have a long term result is more valuable and lasting.  Our flesh craves comfort, ease and instant gratification.  Building a life of faith takes work, time, and pushing through pain. The rich and satisfying life that Jesus makes available to us, a better life than we ever dreamed of, requires doing some hard things.

 

Here’s what Do Hard Things looks like with kids:

 

  • When your 2 year old is pitching a fit and you’re tempted to give in, don’t. Even if it means the fit continues.
  • When your kids are having a bad day and you have plans with friends, maybe the hard thing would be to stay home and work on training.
  • Consider how you are communicating with your kids at any age, are you getting down on their level? Are you putting into terms they understand?  Are you giving the conversation the time it needs?  Are you giving them too much information all at once?
  • When you have negative default patterns in your family dynamics, ask God how to make changes for the better.
  • When you want to avoid pain for your kids, ask yourself if this is an opportunity for them to grow.  Consider steering them into the pain while you are available to walk them through it. The world will throw them many more opportunities to deal with pain and you will be glad you gave them a safe place to figure it out with you.

 

Here’s what Do Hard Things looks like in this season of my life:

 

  • Have a crucial conversation when it’s necessary.
  • Say “no” when you’re tempted to say “yes” because you feel bad.
  • Follow through with the intentional choices when the pressure is on to give in.
  • Don’t Quit!

 

Come to the Table

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Family dinners have always been important to me but I have to confess, it can be a battle to find a time that works for everyone.   Busy schedules, band practice, and other commitments constantly pull us away from the table.  Not to mention the times I don’t know what to cook, I forgot to thaw the chicken, someone has an attitude, or they’re just too picky!  When I want to give up, I dig in, fight through and remember these truths:

 

  • It doesn’t happen unless it’s on the calendar.  As our kids have grown and their schedules become more complicated, we all have to talk about it and choose our family dinner nights.   We’ve eaten as early as 4:30 and as late as 8:00 just to have a few meals together each week.  Because everyone is part of the decision, they make more of an effort to be there.

 

  • It’s not about the food.  I have gone from cooking for 5 with a few picky eaters to cooking for more than 10 at Sunday lunch.  My worry has changed from “will they eat this” to “will there be enough”!  I won’t deny that food has to be part of the focus.  But both home cooked or take out can bring your family around the table for connection and conversations.

 

  • It’s about the people.  We have tried to create an atmosphere where friends are welcome but cell phones aren’t.  We call it being “fully present”.  We’re not perfect at it but putting cell phones away at dinner gives us a better chance at connecting with those in our presence. Sharing Highs and Lows of the day is a great way to get everyone, youngest to oldest, talking and the memories you are making are priceless!

 

  • You may need a bigger table.  I started making a big Sunday Lunch when I realized it was one of the few times we were all available and it’s become a Bonham tradition.  I admit though, some days I’m tired and I don’t feel like cooking or setting the table.  But when the door opens and one more walks in, I see how my kids welcome their friends and it motivates me to keep going.  I was glad to buy a bigger table… some things are worth the investment!

 

  • It’s worth it!  At this point in life, I see my efforts paying off.  Our kids are in their early 20s now and not all living at home, but everyone still looks forward to the connection that happens when we come back to the table. When we are face to face, talking and listening, laughing and fighting it out, family is found. Our relationships are richer because of the meals we have shared together and the people who have sat with us along the way.

 

So don’t let the excuses of being too busy keep you from connecting.  Talk to your family and friends and decide when you will come to the table.  You won’t regret it!

How Was Your Day?

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Have you ever made arrangements to have people over and your day didn’t go the way you planned?  You were late getting home and the clean up you thought you would have time for didn’t happen.  You end up running around throwing things in closets and cabinets to straighten up.  For me, everything gets piled up on the washer and dryer.  I mean a huge pile!  It’s pretty ridiculous.  I pray no one opens the laundry room door because while my house looks orderly and clean on the surface, behind that door is a mess!

 

 

One of my biggest struggles is keeping my relationships and responsibilities in the right order in my life.  Many times, I have good intentions but what ends up happening is I look like I have it all together on the outside but if you talk to my kids or my husband, or my friends, they might feel differently.   Years ago, I heard a question posed to a woman in leadership, ”How do you keep your priorities balanced?  God, Husband, Kids, Ministry, Friends, etc…?”  Her answer was simple: “If I keep God in first place in my life, everything else will be brought to my attention when it needs attention.”

 

She wasn’t saying that we shouldn’t have a plan to spend time on our important relationships and responsibilities.  She was saying that when we make our relationship with God our first priority and we invite Him into our schedule each day, He leads us.  If something needs some extra attention, He will prompt us and help us make the time.

 

So what does it look like for God to be first in my life?  I think it starts with inviting God to be in charge of each day.  Trusting that He can use anything that happens to bring me closer to Him and show me where He is working.  Putting God first is my choice every day.  When I do, my relationship with Him will grow … instead of reading a few verses in my bible, I might read a chapter.  I’ll find myself praying and inviting Him to direct my steps when decisions need to be made.  When things go different than I planned, I look to Him to help me figure it out and I am much more peaceful because I know He is in control.

 

Here is a simple prayer that may help you.

God, you know the things that are most important in my life.  You know all the things I am responsible for.  As I make my plans, you see where I need to make adjustments.  I invite you to interrupt me and point out the areas I may not see.  Lead me today so that you are first place in my life and I am doing what you want me to do.  Amen